Awkward Plot Summaries

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
FIGHT CLUB: Deranged sociopath guides yuppies to their deaths.
HARRY POTTER:
Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
LABYRINTH: Girl is negligent baby-sitter.
LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
SIGNS: Jesus trumps science.
STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.
STAR WARS: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
SUPERBAD: Boys plan date-rape, sleep together.
SWEENEY TODD: Businesses flourish when freed from stringent regulation.
THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.
TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
VERTIGO: Stalker drives woman to suicide.

My roommate’s favorite would have been the Titanic summary, but I think mine is Harry Potter, or Signs.  For a full list of these, go here!

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One response to “Awkward Plot Summaries

  1. This is brilliant.

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